The holidays can bring up a lot of emotions for children and parents alike – excitement, stress, sadness, hope, and sometimes disappointment. Practicing empathy during this time doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs or agreeing with your co-parent. It simply means pausing long enough to consider how others may be experiencing the season, so you can respond thoughtfully rather than react in the moment.

From your child’s perspective, the holidays are about feeling connected, secure, and loved in a stable environment. Changes to routines, traditions, or schedules can feel much bigger to children than adults sometimes realize. Even when kids seem flexible, they may still be adjusting internally. Simple steps, like reassuring them it’s okay to miss the other parent, keeping familiar traditions when possible, and speaking neutrally about the other household, will help keep children out of adult conflict and free to have fun and enjoy the holidays.

From your co-parent’s perspective, the holidays may bring stress, loss, or pressure. They may be grieving traditions that have changed, feeling protective of their time with the children, or worried about being left out. Considering this doesn’t mean giving up your boundaries or tolerating unhealthy behavior. It can look like keeping communication respectful and focused on the children, and being flexible where possible, so adult conflict doesn’t spill over onto kids.

Empathy doesn’t solve everything, but it often softens tension and helps parents manage their own emotions during an already intense time. When parents lead with empathy, children are more likely to feel safe, supported, and less burdened by adult issues, even when circumstances aren’t perfect.

Empathy helps parents manage their own conflict – so children don’t have to carry it, especially during the holidays.

Anita Altman (Family Program Manager/Mediator)