The holidays can bring up a lot of emotions for children and parents alike – excitement, stress, sadness, hope, and sometimes disappointment. Practicing empathy during this time doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs or agreeing with your co-parent. It simply means pausing long enough to consider how others may be experiencing the season, so you can respond thoughtfully rather than react in the moment.

From your child’s perspective, the holidays are about feeling connected, secure, and loved in a stable environment. Changes to routines, traditions, or schedules can feel much bigger to children than adults sometimes realize. Even when kids seem flexible, they may still be adjusting internally. Simple steps, like reassuring them it’s okay to miss the other parent, keeping familiar traditions when possible, and speaking neutrally about the other household, will help keep children out of adult conflict and free to have fun and enjoy the holidays.

From your co-parent’s perspective, the holidays may bring stress, loss, or pressure. They may be grieving traditions that have changed, feeling protective of their time with the children, or worried about being left out. Considering this doesn’t mean giving up your boundaries or tolerating unhealthy behavior. It can look like keeping communication respectful and focused on the children, and being flexible where possible, so adult conflict doesn’t spill over onto kids.

Empathy doesn’t solve everything, but it often softens tension and helps parents manage their own emotions during an already intense time. When parents lead with empathy, children are more likely to feel safe, supported, and less burdened by adult issues, even when circumstances aren’t perfect.

Empathy helps parents manage their own conflict – so children don’t have to carry it, especially during the holidays.

Anita Altman (Family Program Manager/Mediator)

Most of the coparents I’ve worked with in mediation over the years seem to recognize the importance of traditions to their children. I hear that in discussions surrounding holiday placements, particularly Christmas.

And with good reason. Traditions provide meaningful values to children, including:

Sense of belonging and identity – Traditions help kids connect to their heritage. They learn who they are and a sense of wholeness, building confidence and emotional security.

Emotional stability and routine – Predictable traditions, like holiday rituals, give children structure. Consistency helps them feel safe, especially during stressful times.

Stronger bonds with parents – Shared activities create shared memories, encouraging quality family time and strengthening relationships.

Passing down values – Through traditions, children absorb values like gratitude, kindness and generosity. These become part of their lifelong character.

Creating happy memories – Treasured memories are created that children carry into their adulthood; later shaping how they build their own families.

Building skills and confidence – Participating in traditions – helping cook, decorate, and performing annual tasks – teach children responsibility, skills, and the joy of contributing.

I recently saw the importance of traditions firsthand within my own family. I had merely suggested we forego having our traditional evening appetizers as we exchange Christmas gifts. I thought a sit-down dinner beforehand might be nice. My adult children reacted as if I was presenting a family-destroying manifesto. “Your grandkids won’t like it either” was the other salvo. My wife stayed out of the line of fire and that tradition continues.

Cliff Bowers (Family Mediator)