Author: ashleykphillipsc47b4f0892

Navigating the Holidays Series – Avoiding Stress: Plan early

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Planning ahead for the holidays can be a wonderful way to reduce stress and anxiety during the holidays. This is especially true of multi-household families that bring up additional issues.

Co-parents need to communicate holiday plans for their children well in advance. Keep conversations positive, recognizing what makes the holidays special for your children. Prioritizing plans that keep those important aspects of the holidays will ensure a special holiday season. Issues to consider:

  • What is each parent’s plan for the holidays? Share your vision for what will make the holidays special for the children. Be ready to compromise where necessary for the sake of the children.
  • What is the placement plan for the children during the holidays?
  • When and where will exchanges of the children occur? Work together to make the exchanges a positive experience for the children.
  • Discuss a gifting budget for the children and work together to ensure the children get similar treatment from each household. Gifts that reflect the unique personalities of each child are more meaningful than too many gifts. Children will not know where to focus their attention if given too many gifts.

Once the parents have agreed on a holiday plan for the children, try to avoid any last minute changes. In your early discussions, be open about the potential for changes that could occur because of work commitments, weather problems, or other issues that might be unique to each family. Have a plan for how last-minute glitches would be handled.

Bottom line: Planning ahead will make for a less stressful and meaningful holiday not only for the children, but also for the parents. The holidays are a time to share moments of joy and to reflect on the things for which we are grateful. Early planning is the first step to ensuring a successful holiday season.

Ron Niesing   (Board of Directors’ President/ mediator)

Navigating the Holidays Series – Who should be the number one priority?

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Making children the priority in co-parenting means building a partnership with your co-parent that is centered on your child’s well-being, not on past conflict or personal differences.

Decisions are made by asking “What benefits the child most?” rather than “What’s easiest for me?” or “What’s the most comfortable?” Be sure to focus on your child’s developmental level.

Use child-first language. Instead of “I want them for the holidays” try “What holiday plan will feel stable and enjoyable for the kids?”

Finally, protect your child from adult conflict. Don’t use your children as messengers or vent to them about the other parent. They deserve emotional peace.

In my past career as a teacher and principal, I can remember students often described their lives this way when co-parents made them a priority.

  1. I can love both of my parents.
  2. I feel safe.
  3. My parents listen to me even though they’re not together.
  4. I don’t have to worry.

I believe this emotional foundation is more important than a perfect schedule.

Vicki Marotz (Executive Director)