Author: ashleykphillipsc47b4f0892

Navigating the Holidays Series – Respecting Traditions

ashleykphillipsc47b4f0892Leave a comment

Most of the coparents I’ve worked with in mediation over the years seem to recognize the importance of traditions to their children. I hear that in discussions surrounding holiday placements, particularly Christmas.

And with good reason. Traditions provide meaningful values to children, including:

Sense of belonging and identity – Traditions help kids connect to their heritage. They learn who they are and a sense of wholeness, building confidence and emotional security.

Emotional stability and routine – Predictable traditions, like holiday rituals, give children structure. Consistency helps them feel safe, especially during stressful times.

Stronger bonds with parents – Shared activities create shared memories, encouraging quality family time and strengthening relationships.

Passing down values – Through traditions, children absorb values like gratitude, kindness and generosity. These become part of their lifelong character.

Creating happy memories – Treasured memories are created that children carry into their adulthood; later shaping how they build their own families.

Building skills and confidence – Participating in traditions – helping cook, decorate, and performing annual tasks – teach children responsibility, skills, and the joy of contributing.

I recently saw the importance of traditions firsthand within my own family. I had merely suggested we forego having our traditional evening appetizers as we exchange Christmas gifts. I thought a sit-down dinner beforehand might be nice. My adult children reacted as if I was presenting a family-destroying manifesto. “Your grandkids won’t like it either” was the other salvo. My wife stayed out of the line of fire and that tradition continues.

Cliff Bowers (Family Mediator)

Navigating the Holidays Series – Avoiding Stress: Plan early

ashleykphillipsc47b4f0892Leave a comment

Planning ahead for the holidays can be a wonderful way to reduce stress and anxiety during the holidays. This is especially true of multi-household families that bring up additional issues.

Co-parents need to communicate holiday plans for their children well in advance. Keep conversations positive, recognizing what makes the holidays special for your children. Prioritizing plans that keep those important aspects of the holidays will ensure a special holiday season. Issues to consider:

  • What is each parent’s plan for the holidays? Share your vision for what will make the holidays special for the children. Be ready to compromise where necessary for the sake of the children.
  • What is the placement plan for the children during the holidays?
  • When and where will exchanges of the children occur? Work together to make the exchanges a positive experience for the children.
  • Discuss a gifting budget for the children and work together to ensure the children get similar treatment from each household. Gifts that reflect the unique personalities of each child are more meaningful than too many gifts. Children will not know where to focus their attention if given too many gifts.

Once the parents have agreed on a holiday plan for the children, try to avoid any last minute changes. In your early discussions, be open about the potential for changes that could occur because of work commitments, weather problems, or other issues that might be unique to each family. Have a plan for how last-minute glitches would be handled.

Bottom line: Planning ahead will make for a less stressful and meaningful holiday not only for the children, but also for the parents. The holidays are a time to share moments of joy and to reflect on the things for which we are grateful. Early planning is the first step to ensuring a successful holiday season.

Ron Niesing   (Board of Directors’ President/ mediator)